found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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