based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
