Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
