I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
