a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
