I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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