I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
