Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Even my vagina gasped.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
