I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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