I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
