I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So apparently I’m into choking now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
