I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
