shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You are a genius and a whore.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
