How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
