i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize