party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
