i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
