I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We just shotgunned beers for America
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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