I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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