I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
