porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
