i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize