Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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