Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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