I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
