i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize