I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
