The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
