I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
