did you get engaged???
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
