Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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