Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize