How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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