Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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