Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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