the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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