It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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