Kiss
Puke
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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