do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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