I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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