I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
