The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
