She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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