There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Never underestimate the power of titties
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
