sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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