Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
