im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
