Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
