ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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