I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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