Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
