I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
