Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
