he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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