Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize