You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
