im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
