whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
