Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
