i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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