Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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