Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
