I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
