Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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