I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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