who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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