It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
