halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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