Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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