The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize