return my video game
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
