It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
