on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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